Apr 10, 2014

And Then I Realized Adventures Are The Best Way To Learn

Some days all I could do was mesh together smiles and tears. I was in new territory which meant many uncomfortable moments for me. I did what I could. I did the best I could. I allowed whatever needed to be felt the space it needed. I couldn't believe how broken my heart was at times. Did I really miss my family that much? Did the emptiness inside of me feel so...empty?

The first night in Atlanta, when I realized that I was truly going be all alone, I called the airline to see if I could shorten my trip. It was that serious. The tears flowed as the reality sunk in that I would be away from my family for an entire week. 
This was the first time in all of my married years that I would be on my own for such an extended period of time. I looked around the room and felt a coldness wash over me and immediately my head began to hurt. 
No luck with the airlines so I decided to let it sink in and take on the week as best as I could. 
I wanted this adventure. When I booked the flight I was ready, so ready. My feet couldn't hit the pavement fast enough. But, as the days neared I questioned whether or not I did the right thing by booking my stay for so long. I didn't start packing until the night before I left because in my mind I was prolonging being home. David did most of my packing for me as I sat and watched him. He enjoyed it. He enjoyed helping me get going in the direction he knew I wanted to go but was stuck in the moment. I was going to miss this man -his touch, his face, his presence, his cuddles. When he drove me to the airport Tuesday morning there was no turning back. It was now or never. 

I sat on that plane, closed my eyes, thought about the family I was leaving behind and the family that would now face me going forward. My mom and dad were waiting to see me and I was ready to see them. I took a deep breath, embraced the moment as best as I could and dived into a book, happily into another world. 

“The fog was where I wanted to be. Halfway down the path you can’t see this house. You’d never know it was here. I didn’t meet a soul. Everything looked and sounded unreal. Nothing was what it is. That’s what I wanted — to be alone with myself in another world where truth is untrue and life can hide from itself. I lost the feeling of being on land. The fog and the sea seemed part of each other. It was like walking on the bottom of the sea.” 
— Eugene O’Neill, Long Day’s Journey Into Night

This quote is felt so deep within my bones that it rattles loudly through my calm. It speaks to where I wanted to be, where I wanted to go, what I wanted and needed to experience traveling on my own. That moment that plane took off was the moment I began my journey of oneness with myself in this way. I created this. I, and I alone. This makes me proud and smile with fascination in the beauty of my courage. Every ones road is different and this was a courageous act for me. I stand proud of seeing it through to the end and looking forward to my next journey. 

So much was reveled to me about myself on this trip. I learned how to rely on my strength. I learned to allow myself to experience all feelings, and emotions that wanted to come forth better than I thought I could. I learned how to honor my sacred, alone space and then decided who I wanted to share it with. I learned that I love this woman that I am today deeply, unconditionally, with pride, and loving arms. I learned how to wrap my arms around myself in the deep, cold, of loneliness, in the still of the night and morning light. I realized how much I needed this trip and how much this trip needed me. A friend on Instagram commented on that picture above and said, "You look transformed!", and that's exactly how I feel. That's exactly what took place. It's exactly what I needed. 

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Apr 4, 2014

Back In Atlanta - Sorting Through The Old And Embracing The New

I'm sitting on my bed staring at all these lists that I've made for myself. There's a list of things to do in Atlanta, in Orlando. A list of things to buy in both places. A list of people and places to see in Atlanta. A list for me, for my children, for hubby and now I'm writing a list just to organize all of those other lists. Can you tell I'm drowning in lists? 
(Picture via Pinterest)

Last night I indulged in one of my favorite places to visit when in Atlanta. (Make a note to visit Jeju Sauna whenever you're in the Atlanta area and need some rest and relaxation. It's one of the best bath houses I've been to.) I got to rest and clear my mind. I meditated, read, ate, slept, spent hours between the wet sauna and the healing rooms. And got to share in this healing experience with my friend. He needed it and so did I. One of the things I promised myself on this trip was to embrace all of my experiences with joy and ease, and I'm happy to say that I am. When I made that promise I began to look forward to what was to come. 

Since I landed in Atlanta on Tuesday morning my pace hasn't slowed down. I picked up my rental car and headed straight for brunch. The two little crackers on the plane were barely noticed by my grumbling tummy and I was hungry from not eating breakfast. I headed to R.Thomas (one of my usual spots) but then decided to take a detour and try something new, I'm glad I did. I ended up at Flying Biscuits and fell instantly in love with the place and their food. Have you eaten there before? Their biscuits are to die for. For as long as they've been in Atlanta this was my first time. Ever notice how much you try different things in a city you've lived in for years when you go back to visit? Happens to me all the time.

I found a small table for two and decided to get comfy there. The midtown location is a bit small and cozy, the tables are close together so unfortunately everyone's conversation became a part of my own. I plugged my ears with my headphones and dived into my new read. You wouldn't believe how happy I was when the mail came the day before I left Orlando and my new book arrived. I was thrilled. I had ordered it a little over a week and was checking my box everyday since. So, with a new book in hand and a new place to dine in, I began my adventure back in the streets of Atlanta. 

I'm here alone this time, no kids and no Husband. I'm still in a bit of shock and still a bit lonely at night but enjoying the experience thoroughly. I asked for this experience, and I got it. I asked myself to stretch beyond the familiar. I asked myself to stretch beyond my comfort and create engaging, life changing experiences. I don't know if you remember me sharing with you my "word" for this year. If not, you can read about it here. My word is "engage". I promised myself that I would begin my traveling adventures, by myself, on an air plane, this year, and engage with the world. Well, I've begun, and this is truly the beginning of fulfilling the wanderlust within me. 

What experiences have you been focused on creating for yourself? Is traveling a part of those experiences for you? Do you have a wanderlust in you who is waiting to come out and play? When you actually see yourself having those experiences do you celebrate and make room for more? 

The theme that is playing over and over in my head these days is, "Do it now!". "No more waiting, no more excuses, no more sitting by and watching life happen. It is to begin now, right where you are, creating the life you desire to live." 

I hope you feel encouraged to begin living your life in the way you desire. I hope you will put aside all the, "maybe's, I think so's, possibly's, and begin today. You only have one life to live, you might as well live it to your fullest. 

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Mar 25, 2014

Honoring the Wild Woman Within

Wild. Excited. Expressive. Fluid. Sexual. Full. Open. Exhale. Smile. Laugh out loud. Flowing. On fire. Beloved. Moist. Engaging. Powerful. Within myself. Free. Woman. Beautiful. Glowing. Magic. Whole. Accepting. Bold. Wise. Feeling deeply. Dark. Light. 

Words that express my feelings that night as he took pictures of me under the moonlight. I was full of myself. Fully expressive of myself. Whole within myself. Joyful, playful as Goddess Bast led me to be. These moments keep me alive and well, happy and enjoying myself. Loving my life and sharing that love with others. 

I dance my life for myself. I am whole. I am complete. I say what I mean and I mean what I say. I dance the dark and the light, the conscious and the unconscious, the sane and the insane, and I speak from myself authentically, with total conviction, without regard for how I might look. All the parts of myself flow into the whole, all my divergent selves unite as one. I listen to what needs to be heard. I never make excuses. I feel my feelings deeply and profoundly. I never hide. I live my sexuality to please myself and pleasure others. I express it as it needs to be expressed from the core of myself, from the wholeness of my dance. 
I am female.
I am sexual.
I am power.
~ Goddess Lilith 

Whispers From My Soul (TM) ~ It's important to honor the wild, playful, sexual woman within. We are multifaceted, it's important to fully express all aspects of who we are in order to conjure wholeness within. Be encouraged wise woman.

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Mar 22, 2014

Currently where the light is.

Currently ~

Following my pleasures.

Pushing past the uncomfortable.

Embracing this new day.

Accepting my life as my greatest gift.

Being still. Listening. Observing. 

Big, beautiful smiles from within.

"I can handle all experiences in my life." - My daily mantra.

Satellite Call by Sara Bareilles 

Being brave with my life.

Accepting change.

Writing fearlessly.

Taking back my power.

Remembering my goodness.

Now, your turn. Where are you currently? Where is the light?

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Mar 20, 2014

Life By The Water...

...and beautiful palm trees everywhere.

Life by the water is exactly what we needed. It's exactly what I needed. Our new beginnings starts here.

The days are much warmer now. My cooler days, my cooler days are definitely past me. Getting use to the warm weather is something we better do fast.

"Drink lots of water", is one of the remedies highly recommend by the locals and "get in the shade as much as you can", is another remedy we hear. 
For now, I think I'll stick to drinking plenty of water, but being in the sun feels so damn good to me. 
Plenty of sun and plenty water, water to drink, and lots and lots of water to swim in. That's my remedy. That's what I longed for. That's why I'm here.

 Getting used to playgrounds that are covered with sand.
Visiting and playing in the sand is one thing, living with it around you, near you, regularly, is another. They are in heaven. 

Our daily views. 
My heart oozes with joy because of this. I've always desired this experience for them, for me, for us.

Moments like these is why having a camera ready to snap is so worth it. I love Atlanta for many reasons but Florida has captured my heart. 
We're here to stay, to soak up the sun, to run our fingers and toes through the sand, and listen to the stories of the waters.

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