This myth has been the bane of my existence for many years. It has held me hostage and crying for mercy many sleepless nights. It has sent me running away in fear to belting out in intoxicating angry lashes at myself, and others. It has caused me to see red and attack others for no reason other than to cause pain. I screamed at the top of my lungs and I cried like a little baby. I was in turmoil over this and didn’t know how to stop it.
My dilemma? The title says it all!
I wanted to be a “good” girl so bad. I wanted to make others proud of me and give them what I thought they wanted from me. I wanted to be what others wanted me to be because I wanted to be considered that “good” girl.
Trying to please others and do things the “right” way drove me crazy. I was never going to be good enough, and they were never going to be satisfied. What I didn’t realize was that it was never about me. I couldn’t measure up or be good enough to people who were never good enough to themselves. What I came to realize was that I was going to have to be good enough for me and that the only person that I had to live up to was me. Have you ever asked yourself what does a good girl look like, dress like, act like, smell like – and who the hell made up these rules and guidelines? Have you ever asked if living your life by someone else’s standards was going to be good enough for your life? This notion does not serve us women well, it does nothing but leave us in constant questioning. It creates unnecessary fear, doubt, competition, and insecurities that we constantly battle within. It only serves to keep us in fear of exploring who we truly are and living our life from that point of view.
“Be merciful on me, God. Please help me to be good, I really want to be a good girl.” This was my daily prayer. Sad, but true.
There was so much pressure on me to dress in a certain way, wear my hair in certain ways, keep my legs crossed, etc; yet still I “failed”. I “failed” miserably because trying to remember and live up to these rules and be happy with myself was damn-near impossible. No matter how much I tried I always fell short but I was driven to try because it somehow was better in my mind not to be labeled one of “those” girls. I may love to wear short shorts, and short skirts. I may even get caught with my legs uncrossed at times. I love SEX and love to talk about it. I may curse like a sailor at times. I don’t hold my tongue when it comes to what I want and desire. I may want multiple sexual partners. I am a sexual healer. I am sexually and sensually expressive, and may run the risk of being labeled a whore. I love who I am!
What is keeping you from being naturally, creatively, and living your life freely? What fears have you allowed to control your life, your destiny, your here and now? If the answers to those questions don’t come easily, take some time and come up with some solid answers so that you can begin to re-condition your mind.
The way to re-condition your mind about the good girl vs bad girl myth is to begin to acknowledge that it is just that, a myth that you don’t have to own as your truth. You have a choice in this matter and you need to know that. You have the right to exercise your freedom of expression daily. I’m going to live my life the way that I please and see fit to me. Remember you don’t walk in anyone else’s shoes but your own. No one is going to give you permission to be you but YOU. Not your daddy, not your mommy, not your kids, not your husband, not your girlfriends, YOU! It’s up to you to define what “good” means to you and live from that place, always accepting YOU as you progress into more of who YOU truly are.
Your definition will look different from the next gal and that’s okay. We live under this notion that we all have to look the same and act the same, that’s bull-crap! Everything in our world is different, yet the same. What makes us so interesting is how unique we are from our fellow neighbor. How can I look like you, act like you, and always like the same things as you. I can’t because I’m me.
Also, you need to begin to start paying attention to things you hear and see that sends the message of what being a good girl vs bad girl is. There are many celebrities who have been sadly labeled with these oppressive judgments that I’m sure you won’t have far to look. Instead of owning what you hear and see (all someone else’s view mind you), create your own view. Take a good look at that woman/girl and see her as yourself. What really is the big deal? Is she really that different from you or what society has said is the “good girl”.
We are a shameful society, one that causes shame and guilt onto the very things/life experiences that make us who we are. We are infinite beings having a human experience that are neither good nor bad, shameful, right or wrong, they just are.
We have to become smarter than this and see that the way to change starts with us. It starts with accepting who we are, our life experiences, our desires, our sexuality, our sensuality as our truth without labeling these things as shameful good, bad, right or wrong. It is who we are and the more we accept this of ourselves the more we accept this of others. Start paying attention to yourself, your thoughts, what makes you happy, things that build you up, things that assist your growth in all areas of your life. The Universe will begin to assist you in this new way of thinking if this is what you desire. If you see or hear something that does not suit your growth, dismiss it. If it doesn’t serve you, let it go and begin to cultivate what you do want. Define what’s good to, for you, go after it, with conviction, and passion. Your desires will not steer you astray. If you learn to trust them you’ll uncover more of who you really are and isn’t that what you really want? Stop being afraid!
Let’s create together, shall we. Let’s break down the walls of shame, and guilt that has stifled us and kept us hidden from ourselves and the world.